I haven't posted in quite a while. These past 6-9 months have been very challenging and eye-opening for me. This post starts out with Lyme related stuff, but moves on to how it's re-shaped ME as a person, which is what this post is ultimately about. If you don't like "deep thinking", you may want to stop now, lol...
I hear people say all the time "I don't know what I would do if......" or "I don't think I could handle that...." Well, it's true, you really don't know what you would do, how you'd behave, or how you would handle a tough situation until you are dealt with it. I think I have finally come to a point where I am comfortable in how I "deal".
Lyme is scary as hell. If you have it, you are either the person who runs to the ER a couple of times a month because you think you are having a heart attack, stroke, or God knows what; or you are the person who just sits in fear at home and "rides it out". I was the ER frequent flyer. I've had more IV's, tests, and radiation from x-rays, CT scans, and MRI's that most people have in 2 or 3 lifetimes. Most of the time, just because I was so scared. I wish like crazy I could take most of that back.....a lesson I learned is that you have to learn how to deal with your symptoms, as crazy as they are. 9 out of 10 times they DON'T constitute a visit to the ER, and the Doctors don't know what to do with you anyway. Better to just "ride them out" when you learn what they are and why they come.
Anyway, I've experienced MOST of the crazy Lyme symptoms and scares. I've treated with oral, injectable, and IV antibiotics and other IV therapies, countless prescriptions, endless supplements in all forms, countless blood draws. Lots of fears, tears, even sometimes a sense of dying, expensive trips, countless Doctors...financial drain and relationship drain. Not to mention driving myself crazy Googling everything. Tough stuff.
Through it all, I have an impeccable diet, I did everything I was supposed to, followed my protocols. listened to my body. Before I go on I have to give credit to my team of Doctors, but especially to my "Dr Jerry" who has never faltered or given up on me, who has put up with endless phone calls/texts/emails/mood swings/desperation. He promised from the beginning he would be there with me until the end. That man keeps his promises, he is a saint straight from God himself.
In the beginning of 2013, I really started looking into more natural approaches to treat, natural healing started to become my main focus, (I am currently taking classes toward a degree in becoming a Naturopathic Practitioner, and I am so excited where this is going to take me!!) We had my PICC line pulled in February, and I have been antibiotic-free since then.....
I feel 90% better. I am sure the previous protocols had a lot to do with how I feel. Many people thought I was giving up too soon on the very intense protocol, but I wasn't giving up at all.
I started praying, a lot....for God's guidance in everything. I felt like my body needed to be "re-built"....so I started a new, less invasive protocol of natural remedies - some to keep Lyme at bay, but the main focus was to repair and rebuild my fragile immune system, and state of mind.....there were many times I would look in the mirror and see a sick person (who didn't look sick, but that is what I saw)...and even until recently I felt insignificant, because of the fact that I battle an illness, don't have a job, my credit has suffered greatly - I thought, "who in their right mind would possibly want someone like ME - I have nothing to offer" - I'm realizing now, that thinking is just flat out ridiculous.
So, honestly? I believe I still have active Lyme, but it is being kept under control, and I rely on Jerry for that part. As far as what I have done for myself in the past 4 months or so? My diet is even more strict - but super healthy. I am rebuilding my immune system by different types of supplements, this stuff is paying off. However, there are a few main things I've done that I attribute most of my rapid recovering to: mind power, faith and exercise.
First, and foremost, my faith in God is the most important part of my life. I talk to Him constantly. He is the reason for all of my successes; by working through my Doctors and guiding me. Then I made a conscious decision to get rid of the negative thinking, things and people in my life, to not listen to negative, not think negative, not read negative, breathe smell or speak negative, and to look in the mirror and see a beautiful, healthy person who has much to offer, big goals that I am working toward, and (if I weren't married) a great catch, and of course a God-fearing woman. I am in NO WAY bragging nor am I self-centered. These are things that God instilled in me and I am GRATEFUL, BLESSED and HUMBLED.
I started out slowly with exercise, maybe 2-3 times a week with mostly stretching, some light weights and no longer than 20-30 minutes, and no virtually no cardio. I am now able to go to the gym 5-6 days a week and my routine is this: stretching, then a moderately intense total body weight training program, then 45 minutes on the treadill, 10 minutes of abdominal workout, more stretching, then done! I am also currently training for a 5k/running & obstacles at the end of this July. I am a little nervous, but excited :)
So, it all comes down to this, God, diet, exercise, and a great, positive attitude, along with some supplements. HUGE impact on my life. Funny, the hardest part is being able to stay positive....because now that I am on a "positive kick", my eyes are being opened to more negative things in my life that I hadn't seen before that I now need to deal with, some I don't want to, but I know I have to and I finally feel strong enough (I hope).
Of course I still have rough days, physically and emotionally. That's just life. But this journey has taught me that the things in life that I used to see as so important (money, power, status, material things) are now very small compared to the little things in life that money can't buy like true love and friendship, happiness that comes from within, faith, a kind heart, truthfulness and integrity is what it's all about. (not saying money isn't nice, lol...it helps of course. And those other things mentioned are nice too, but not to the point where it takes over one's life and "social status" takes over the mind).
I realize, as I sit here and drink my organic morning coffee, that I still have some rough roads ahead and tough decisions to make, but it's time to face them...God's in my corner, so all will work out.
I hope whoever reads this gets something out of it, and God bless you....be well, never ever give up!!!
I apologize if I've rambled or repeated, I'm not going to proof-read, just post my raw material ;)
A special thanks to Jerry and Jeannie...XO
